No shoes

I stand before you…Once again my old friend. How long has time stood between us? How many decisions have i made…not to include your opinion. Never to ask you any questions. I assumed you left me here. I assumed you continued to punish me for what i have become. Did you take my best friend from me? It was just yesterday I took the dogtags from around my neck…and placed them in his casket. Were you behind it? Am i being held accountable? To be honest, I can’t stand anymore. My legs cannot support the weight that has been placed on my shoulders. The burden i wake up and carry. The guilt is my demise. It destroys me from the inside out. It completes what seems to be eating away at my soul. I have no choice, i have no fight. I have no strength. I have laid myself down since the last time we spoke. The man that cursed you, with a clenched fist pointed towards the direction which i think you reside. The man that blamed you for taking those closest to me. The man that searches for reason, direction and the answers that never came. The boy full of resentment, anger and pain. Why cant you just get this over with….Why must i continue to be an example of what has failed. I am alone. I live in the fog of emptiness, the shades over my eyes are my past regrets. I no longer know who i am. Becoming more of a monster with each breath. Something that only exists on paper. The blood in my veins runs cold, the heart i own only pumps at its convenience. Is it too late? The later it gets the more i lose faith. Each passing moment. The pride seems to be slipping between my fingers, my knees broken. The life i used to love, transformed. Lend a hand, old friend. I’m begging you, now more than ever…. If there is still a chance. While i’m still willing. While i’m still able. While i’m still here. While i’m still….while I am STILL.